Ward on Words

I know the people who work at Optimus, a commercial editing house in Chicago. They're hard working people, good people. They've worked very hard to build and maintain a successful business in a tough market during a difficult economic time. But they have horrible party planners, choosing as they did, to bring in disgraced governor Rod Blagojevich to entertain the revelers. I liked it better back in the day when disgraced politicians slunk off to the Siberia of self-imposed isolation. Richard Nixon comes to mind... Maybe - just maybe - this is Blago giving us a rehearsal of his next act - Jailhouse Rock? Here's a REAL entertainer giving us some Jailhouse Rock of his own... (FULL DISCLOSURE - I'm an Elvis fan, so comparing Blago to Elvis gets me riled up good.) Here's the story in full... "Blagojevich shakes, rattles, rolls as party pro Two men known in part for their hair stepped out from the back of a white Hummer limousine Friday evening ...

I never thought I would say this, but Rodney Dangerfield and Roland Burris are like two peas in a pod. Sort of. Rodney Dangerfield made a career in comedy out of being the man who couldn't get no respect from anybody. Roland Burris is retiring from the Senate because he lacks the same thing - respect. It's certainly not news that Roland Burris is declining to seek a public vote of affirmation for the senate position he acquired from disgraced former Governor Blagojevich. But it was reported in yesterday's Chicago Tribune that Burris has been able to raise hardly any money at all since assuming the position of junior senator from Illinois - just $41,320 from April through June. This figure is clearly a huge improvement from the $845.00 (and no, that's not a typo!) he raised from January through March, but clearly insufficient to continue the charade of his candidacy. A senate seat is pricey real estate these days (requiring at least $3 million, accordi...

It's called Governor of one of our 50 states. How else can you explain the mental breakdowns of so many governors in such a short time? It's an issue that surpasses gender and ideological differences. Let's just take a look... *Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, forced to resign after quoting Kipling and being caught on tape trying to sell Obama's old senate seat. *South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, who decided to head down to Argentina for some cuddles with his girlfriend - on Father's Day weekend, leaving his wife and children to wonder where he was on that day set aside to celebrate paternity. He will not resign from his position as governor, promising to be working on his marriage, even as he misses the Argentinian woman he calls his "soul mate." *And of course Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, who took advantage of the patriotic feelings stirred up by the 4th of July to announce her resignation . She's apparently been driven mad by th...

With Rod Blagojevich, former governor of Illinois, tied up in his trial for corruption, there remains a spot open on the NBC reality TV show "I'm a Celebrity... Get me Out of Here." And according to the Chicago Tribune , Rod's wife, Potty-Mouth Patty, is the celebrity NBC wants to fill the spot. So let's take a look at Patty's celebrity status for a minute.... *She's famous for being married to the crook who tried to sell an US senate seat to the highest bidder. *She's famous for her extensive vocabulary in swear words, caught on tape and released to the world via the federal investigation into her husband's corruption. *She's a tiny bit famous for being the daughter of a Chicago alderman, with all the baggage that comes with such a title. You know what? I am sick of these types of celebrities. Sign her up and ship her out! Let her have her fun clawing her way back to Illinois as part of this TV show....

I launch my computer this morning to learn that NBC, which used to make the nation laugh a lot on Thursday nights, has asked Rod Blagojevich, the disgraced governor facing federal corruption charges, to appear on a reality TV show. It is a program in which "celebrities" are taken to Costa Rica, where they must endure "fun and comedic challenges designed to test their survival skills." Oh NBC. Really? I suppose at first glance, it seems like NBC's golden opportunity - the chance to bring a Kipling-quoting shyster to a jungle to see him spar for survival with other entertainment types. (And with Blagojevich coming to the jungle from the swamps of Illinois politics, he's got to be the odds-on favorite of the bookies.) But if you think about it, he's a man asking a judge to postpone his trial so he can get paid to frolic in the jungle. Blagojevich is not a celebrity. He's a crook. He's a man who was forced to resign his post after ...

Will the sorry saga of the rot in Illinois never end? Impeached former governor Rod Blagojevich apparently has been given a six figure book deal to tell us just how he picked Roland Burris to represent Illinois in the Senate. I'm sure it's a safe bet that there will be poetry alongside of that political analysis - as Rod knows, we need more Kipling quoted in America! According to the Tribune , Blago's babblings will also include a visit to the "dark side of politics." And we all thought that Blago's helmet-head was just a bad hairdo! Apparently it's Darth Vader's mask all askew on top of Blago's big head.

"Scandal Mushrooms" says a headline in today's Chicago Sun-Times . What sounds like a recipe for salmonella-infested fungi is instead the story about how Rod Blagojevich (when still governor) got Roland Burris' son a job prior to the elder Burris' appointment to the senate. (Sounds like Blagojevich served as an excellent employment agency for the Roland Burrises.) Roland Burris II (the senator's "mini-me") was facing foreclosure on his own home last summer when he was appointed ( and I am not making this up ) to a $75,000 job at the Illinois Housing Development Authority. His home was in foreclosure because he apparently owed ( again, I'm not making this up ) more than $30,000 to the IRS. Let's see if we can sum this up neatly... A governor arrested for trying to sell a U.S. Senate seat then appoints a man who has not only raised money to purchase the seat hosted "fundraisers" for Blago, but whose son owes his job to the...

As a resident of Illinois, I have absolutely nothing against Roland Burris. I found him to be an adequate public servant, if lacking in inspiration and vision, when he served as the state's Comptroller and Attorney General. I just don't want him to be my senator. And here, I disagree with august personalities like Senator Diane Feinstein and others who feel that the appointment of Burris is completely legit. Unfortunately, I don't see his appointment as Illinois' junior senator as anything more than a swindle. In fact, the appointment of Roland Burris only makes me think of Bernie Madoff, the $50 billion brains behind the biggest swindle known to man (thus far.) Now I categorically do not believe Roland Burris is a swindler - not by any stretch of the imagination. When I say that this situation reminds me of Madoff, it's because of people like Senator Feinstein, who feel that Governor Rod Blagojevich's capacity to choose should not be questioned merely...